


singe my hands

by CapyWritesShit



Series: in mourning we relearn ourselves [2]
Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Campaign 05: A Crown of Candy, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Self-Sacrifice, and leaves you (his knight), but not actually just idealism of it, to take care of his two kids and his cousin, you know that thing that happens when your king dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26404453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapyWritesShit/pseuds/CapyWritesShit
Summary: He has no more reason to follow his oath, because it's already been broken, and the more he sits and thinks and twists it around in his brain, the more he starts to believe him dying may not be the best thing for thesechildrenleft in his care.[or: theo grapples with his need to protect and what that means in light of amethar's death.]
Relationships: Theobald Gumbar & Jet Rocks & Ruby Rocks, Theobald Gumbar & Liam Wilhelmina Jawbreaker
Series: in mourning we relearn ourselves [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1919164
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	singe my hands

Theobald Gumbar is many things, but first and foremost, above all else, he is a protector. Ever since his first assignment under Archmage Lazuli, that's been his best descriptor. People call him a knight, a soldier, a commander, but none of it even holds a candle to protector.

His body is large. Large enough to engulf Liam's entire frame when he pulls him into a hug. Large enough that his shadow covers all three teenagers as the four of them run through the streets of Comida. Large enough that when Thad's servants scream in terror nobody passing by can see into the alley past his figure. His body is made to protect, to take up space so that aggressors can't even hope to get past him, to take hits and brush them off easily so that those he guards don't have to.

An unseen use for such a large and protective body is that he is apparently very good at hugs. Liam has been holding onto him with the force of an army since the moment they snuck onto the Colby. Jet and Ruby are embracing each other, both trembling minutely, but the tiny crate allows for little to no personal space, so Theo has taken to holding them both for the time being. This, while not the intended use of his body, is one that certainly does him some good here and now, so he counts this as a win.

Though nothing should be celebrated right now. The King has died, the Chancellor has died, Liam is now Prince of Candia and Joren Jawbreaker is now King of Candia and Candia is at war with everyone. The twins have just lost their father, Liam has just lost his pet pig, Theo has just lost his king and his rival and now that he's been given time to think, he's really regretting everything he's done.

Queen Caramelinda will be furious, Calroy (if he's even still alive) will be furious, Joren Jawbreaker will be furious, everyone will be furious and it will be directed at Theo because he failed the one thing he was sent on this trip to do. _Protect the royal family. Risk your life to keep all of them alive. No matter what, your sworn duty is to die long before any of them have even been scratched_.

Long ago, when he was first sworn into his duty, he hadn't been phased by the demands of being a knight. It had been refreshing, to have a purpose, to have a reason for being and a reason for doing. Now, though, it all feels so...hollow. He has no more reason to follow his oath, because it's already been broken, and the more he sits and thinks and twists it around in his brain, the more he starts to believe him dying may not be the best thing for these _children_ left in his care.

 _Protect the royal family_. They need love, and they need reassurance, and they need guidance, and maybe that's a type of protection Theo had been neglecting up until now. Ruby and Jet are no longer royalty, anyways, with Amethar's broken oath. Still, they are tired and grieving and none of them have experienced loss to this extreme before.

Theo has been through a war. He knows what it's like to lose someone for the first time, and then the second, and the third and fourth and fifth and then you stop keeping count, but you remember them all. He can still see faces, recite names, describe in apt detail their favorite pastimes while at the camps.

Another name has been added to the list, beside a face, a crown, and a broken, stuttered, one-sided conversation with four tall, unhearing statues. He doesn't want to see his list grow past Chancellor Lapin and King Amethar.

In his hold, Liam shifts and sniffles. He hasn't stopped crying, but his breathing has evened out a bit and he's shaking way less and Theo didn't even realize he had noticed those things, but he _did_ , and he _does_ , because that's what it means to be a protector. He's used to taking notes in the back of his mind. Lazuli drilled it into him to always be paying attention, always be keeping track of whatever he can, never waver because you never know what information may be the difference between life or death.

So he knows that Liam has bitten his lips so hard pink blood has smeared a bit onto Theo's armor. He knows that Jet's been way quieter than usual, and her fingers keep twitching to reach for her sword. He knows that Ruby is nauseas, from the way she keeps sucking in deep breaths whenever the boat rocks too hard. He knows, he has to know, because if he doesn't he'll have failed even more and Theo can only fail so many times before he's deemed useless.

This is his purpose, and he can't mess up anymore. Not like this, _not like this_.

The boat rocks and rocks and rocks, and Theobald rocks and rocks and rocks, and the children in his arms rock with him, and with the boat, and they all just sit there together, mourning and weeping and simply trying to find comfort in the in betweens. Theo has never been one for hugs, not since he was a very small child, but if it means allowing Jet and Ruby and Liam to have a few moments of reprieve, then he thinks holding them in the dark and cold of the ship is a small price to pay.

* * *

_Protector_. He's supposed to be a protector, someone who lives to serve, to keep others safe and to use whatever means necessary to ensure those he serves remain unscathed.

King Amethar is dead, Queen Caramelinda is dead, Calroy is a traitor and it seems like everything Theo does is useless. He's not a protector, he's a _failure_. Not only has he been unable to uphold his oath and perform his duties, but he now has to run through dark roads and beaten paths with three children on his tail _again_.

Candian forests aren't terrible to navigate, luckily. Cumulous, a new addition to the Reasons Why Theobald Is Useless list, is following behind, keeping the rear safe and watching their backs. Murdo, an even newer addition to the Reasons Why Theobald Is Useless list, is guiding them along, the hand holding his lamp outstretched and casting everything in a dim yellow glow. They're going slow, mostly because Murdo is slow, and it gives everyone time to breath and process and cry.

From the moment Theo ripped the girls from their quarters and down the secret passageway to the outskirts of the castle, they've been holding hands. Their lockets are glowing, and every so often, one will mutter something in their weird twin language to the other. Liam is walking just behind them, almost like a shield for their backs, scanning the forest nonchalantly as if there aren't clearly tear tracks on his cheeks.

Like this, the three of them look so...small. Tiny and fragile, more like children than they have in the past, and yet their faces have such a stark lack of innocence and naivety that Theo has to wonder whether it's fair to them. But of course it's not, death is never fair.

He doesn't like hugs, he _doesn't_ , but looking at them now he wants desperately to wrap them up in his arms and hold them like he did on the ship. He wishes he could stop their crying, relieve their strife and grief for even a few seconds, keep them safe in his grasp and hide them behind Swirlwarden and lock them in his armor. Anything, _anything_ to keep from losing them.

Theo has lived a relatively long life. He's lost so many people, friends and family alike, and now that he's being presented with the third chance to change the fate of these three kids, he'll do anything to take it. Giving his life for others has never been an issue; he'd gladly lay down his life if it meant saving one of them even a single second of breath.

The issue lies in living for them.

Jet and Ruby trudge along, muttering and frowning, and Liam stalks behind them, scowl etched into his candy cane face, and Murdo and Cumulous stay silent, focused on their own tasks, and Theo has to live. He has to stay alive to protect them, to give them love and support and care—everything they won't get from anyone else. Theo isn't a parent, doesn't intend to be, never has been and never will be.

He thinks, though, that now more than ever, these kids need a guardian. Luckily, Theo is more than up to the task.

**Author's Note:**

> [CamTheGalaxy's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamTheGalaxy/pseuds/CamTheGalaxy) comment on the first fic got me Thinking and then i Couldn't Stop and then i made this
> 
> thank you sm for reading! go check out my [tumblr](https://theswirlersisterscircus.tumblr.com) maybe...>:)


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